Pai is Creepy, Ryou is Worse
by kisshuismylife
Summary: Pai and Ryou have some creepy habits... despite the summary, this is Kishigo.


**Pai is Creepy, Ryou is Worse**

Kisshu was daydreaming about Ichigo in his room when Taruto teleported in and screamed, "Pai's GIGGLING at his computer!"

"I wonder what he's looking at," Kisshu said thoughtfully. "Let's go see." He grabbed Taruto and teleported to Pai's lab. Pai had earplugs in, and was giggling at his computer. Kisshu looked over his shoulder, and yelled, "WHAT THE HELL!?"

Pai apparently heard that, because he turned around and glared at Kisshu and Taruto. "What are you two doing in here?" he asked menacingly.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU WERE WATCHING _**PORN**_!" Kisshu and Taruto shrieked together.

"GET OUT!" Pai yelled. He snapped his fingers, and Kisshu and Taruto got sucked into a portal.

They landed in a very pink room, and flinched as Ichigo glared at them. "Explanation," she said.

"Pai kicked us out for finding out about his porn addiction!" Taruto said, still freaked out. "Pai's CREEPY!"

"That is creepy," Ichigo said. "I'd better warn Lettuce." She picked up a cell phone and called Lettuce. When the other girl picked up, Ichigo said, "Lettuce, bad news about your prospective boyfriend."

"_Did Ryou capture him?" _Lettuce asked worriedly.

"No, but according to Kisshu and Taruto, who just fell out of a portal in my room, Pai is obsessed with porn," Ichigo said. "I'd recommend staying away from Pai."

"_Porn?" _Lettuce squeaked- and the line went dead.

Ichigo sighed. "I think she fainted," she said.

"Pai's gonna kill us…." Taruto moaned.

"And then he'll dig us up, revive us, and kill us again!" Kisshu moaned.

Ichigo sighed. "Can you two calm down?" she asked wearily.

Kisshu and Taruto sighed too, and Kisshu said, "We'll try…."

Ichigo's pendant started beeping then, and she tapped it, then asked, "What now, Ryou?"

"_There's a Chimera Anima headed for your house," _Ryou said. _"I sent the other Mews."_

Ichigo groaned. "I'll go destroy it," she said gloomily, and transformed.

"Need help?" Kisshu asked.

"Sure," Ichigo said. Kisshu concentrated, then said, "It's about three blocks away. And the other Mews are almost there." Then he grabbed her and teleported, landing near the Chimera Anima as the other Mews ran up. Kisshu looked at the Chimera Anima, and sighed. "This one's not after you; it's after me and Taruto," he said, causing the Mews to look at him.

"Why was it headed for Ichigo's house, then?" Zakuro asked.

"Pai sent us there," Taruto said gloomily. "We found out about his porn addiction."

"I'd expect Kisshu to be obsessed with porn, not Pai," Zakuro commented.

"I'll explain later," Kisshu said, as the Chimera Anima noticed them. "That Chimera's stronger than the others you've fought so far." He took out his sais and flew up into the air, getting above the Chimera, which appeared to be some kind of tiger. It leaped at him, and he dodged, sending an energy ball at it, which it swatted away like a fly. Suddenly Zakuro's light whip caught its paw, and Ichigo aimed her Strawberry Bell at it. "Kisshu, Mint, combine your attacks with mine!" she called.

Mint and Kisshu sent their attacks into Ichigo's Strawberry Surprise attack, making it more powerful, and it completely obliterated the tiger Chimera. Masha flew in out of nowhere and ate the infuser as Kisshu and Taruto landed next to Ichigo.

"So what's up with Pai liking porn?" Zakuro asked.

"I don't know," Kisshu said. "I knew he was kind of a closet pervert, but I didn't realize he was that bad."

"Do you like porn?" Mint asked bluntly.

"No, I like Ichigo," Kisshu said, smirking when Ichigo blushed. "By the way, Blondie's a pervert too; have you seen his room?"

"Why were you in Ryou's room?" Zakuro asked suspiciously.

"I lost a bet with Taruto and didn't have the money to pay him, so I had to steal some from Blondie," Kisshu said. "He's always got a lot of money."

"He's a billionaire," Ichigo said. "You wouldn't think that, though; he's also a cheapskate. But what's in his room?"

"I'll show you," Kisshu said. "Let's go back to the pink cupcake place." He and Taruto grabbed the Mews and teleported to the main room of Café Mew Mew.

Ryou and Keiichiro were waiting, and Ryou didn't look pleased to see Kisshu and Taruto. "What happened?" he asked.

"Pai sent that Chimera after me and Taruto, and we just happened to be at Ichigo's house," Kisshu said. "So we helped destroy it. By the way, Blondie, does Cupcake Man know about your room?"

Ryou gave Kisshu a very evil death glare as Keiichiro asked, "What about Ryou's room? And what were you doing in there?"

"I was stealing money, and you should see for yourself," Kisshu said.

Keiichiro sighed and headed upstairs, despite Ryou's attempts to stop him and the others from going up there. When they got into the room, everyone's jaws dropped. The entire room was wallpapered in pictures of Ichigo, as was the ceiling. Most of the pictures involved Ichigo in a bikini, shirtless, changing, or naked. "Ryou, what the HELL is wrong with you?" Zakuro asked as Ichigo glared daggers at Ryou.

"Um…" Ryou said uncomfortably.

"He's a dirty pervert, that's what's wrong with him," Taruto said. "And he's evil on top of it."

"I AM NOT EVIL!" Ryou shrieked.

"Uh-huh," Ichigo said dryly. "The only thing 'not evil' about you is your annoying laughter. If you had an evil laugh, then there'd be nothing even remotely good about you. Not that annoying laughter is good, of course…."

"How am I evil?" Ryou asked grouchily.

"Let's see, your goal in life is to wipe out an alien civilization, you think making your employees miserable is funny, you continually rant about how the Cyniclons are evil monsters when they're just trying to save their people, you're a disturbed pervert, you make me stay after work for four hours if I'm more than two minutes late, you don't pay me nearly enough to compensate for the insane amount of work I do, you put others down every chance you get, you never do any work at this Café; instead you stand around berating us, you laugh when we make mistakes, you make us fight the aliens instead of taking Lettuce's advice and forming a truce, you blame me or the Cyniclons for every single thing that goes wrong, you never take responsibility for your own actions, you continually tell me how horrible I am and then turn around and expect me to fall in love with you- need I go on?" Ichigo asked. "Face it Ryou- you're a horrible person, and the way you treat me in particular would be enough to make LETTUCE homicidal. You're lucky I haven't told everyone everything you've done."

"What ELSE did he do?" Keiichiro asked.

"He makes me stay till nine every night you're not here to stop him, he continually tells me I'm a horrible worker and I'll never be good enough, he won't stop nagging me to go out with him, he hasn't paid me a penny in four months, whenever I tell him I'm taking a break he blows his top, I'm completely exhausted and when I tell him that, he tells me there's no reason for me to be exhausted, he threatened to kill Moe and Miwa when I told him I was quitting, and then told me if that didn't work out, he'd brainwash me," Ichigo said. "He's threatened me with brainwashing more times than I can count, he claims the reason he doesn't give me my paycheck is because I haven't earned it, even though he knows I need the money for while my parents are gone, he said he'll kill Kisshu if I fall in love with him, he has a laser gun and two machine guns in the basement that he said he'll use on people I care about if I disobey him at all, I can't even move without him deciding I've done something wrong, every time I try to leave early if I've done all the work he forced me too, he grabs me and tells me if I don't stay I don't want to know what he'll do to me, he doesn't give me any time off and doesn't care that I'm failing my classes and don't have time to spend with my school friends, whenever I'm alone in the Café and he decides I've done something wrong he hits me- the only thing he hasn't done to me yet is tried to rape me, and frankly I think it's only a matter of time before he does that too. He turns me into a kitten all the time, and makes me stay that way, knowing I hate it, and he makes sure he's the only one who gets to kiss me back to normal, even though he has fish breath, I tried to take the hidden camera out of my room and he said he'd brainwash me, I can't do anything I want to because he spies on me with my pendant, he overworks me to the point where I can barely move I'm so tired, and whenever I try to point out that the others don't have to work, he docks my paycheck- which I don't get anyways. He owes me over $500, and refuses to give it to me…. I think that's about it."

The others, including Keiichiro, were looking at Ryou with utter disgust and loathing. "Okay, Ichigo was right," Keiichiro said. "You're evil, and I think the promise I made to protect you is null and void; you'll probably just kill me too if I give you half a chance." He looked at Kisshu and asked "Judging by the look on your face, Kisshu, you want to destroy him, right?"

"Damn right," Kisshu snarled.

"Go right ahead," Keiichiro said. "I can't believe I stuck by him all this time without noticing any of this." He left, and Kisshu froze Ryou as the others backed up. Kisshu summoned his sais, and said, "If you don't like the idea of me chopping Ryou to pieces, I'd suggest leaving."

Lettuce ushered Pudding out, and Mint left too. Ichigo, Zakuro, and Taruto stayed, sitting down at a table to watch as Kisshu started chopping Ryou to pieces.

_**One hour later: **_Kisshu incinerated the pieces, and said, "I'm done. Is there somewhere I can clean up?"

"The boys' bathroom is around the corner from the kitchen," Zakuro said.

"Thanks," Kisshu said, and headed off. A few minutes later, he came back, wearing black jeans and a green t-shirt.

"New clothes?" Ichigo asked.

"Yup, I can change by imagining what I want to wear," Kisshu said. "I can also change someone's hair color, but it only lasts for five days. I used to do that to my teachers in elementary school."

Ichigo giggled and said, "You must have been a prankster, right?"

"I still am," Kisshu said. "Should we go back to your house? It's unlikely Pai's going to let me and Taruto back on the ship until he cools down."

"Okay," Ichigo said. "We can make dinner; I'm hungry."

Kisshu smiled and teleported to her house, followed by Taruto.

**I know it's a bit short, but I hope you like it, and I didn't end it with Kisshu and Ichigo kissing this time! I also know Pai's not likely to be into porn, but I thought it was funny, so I hope you did too. Please review, and please don't flame. I eat flamers. :D **


End file.
